When She doesn't believe in marriage


My friend is incapable of coping with a situation with enormous difficulties that emerge due to limited financial income.

I know that her boyfriend, like in the past years, will not send her any letter, not offer any communication - she does not know, is he dead or alive. My friend crying all the time with the thought of her boyfriend's harsh treatment.

I too get completely exhausted trying to console my friend. This crying has no end. There is no solution except to get emotionally upset and drop tears incessantly. Her boyfriend left her to join the foreign job.  

She goes on relating to me how she met her boyfriend for the first time at the market, "Kamala, I was poor. I used to gather firewood and carry it to the town to sell. In the meantime, I met my boyfriend. He was quite handsome to look at. We fell instantly in love with each other. I came with him to a big city. He went back to his job but returned to me every year. He brought many things for me. I was happy, but, I heard sometime later that he married another woman."

My friend couldn't control herself further and cried bitterly. I know it fully well that after this, her boyfriend didn't send any money to her nor did he visit her. My friend started a small tea stall and she made her living somehow. The tea stall was her necessity in the process of living and she has spent years on it.

"Kamala, I am not getting married again, even a handsome young man has came from the city and liked me recently." When she told me this during our meal time I was speechless, and later asked, "Which one are you talking about?"

"The same one who comes to drink tea everyday," her mother laughed.

My friend replied, " When I go away after getting married, my mother will be left all alone. I do not want to leave her all by herself, perhaps I am unable to leave her that way."

Her mother became serious and said, "maybe after your marriage I will also find happiness. It is said that he has a good income. He is quite an appropriate husband for you!"

I just smiled for her sake. I feel like laughing at words like earning, and appropriate.

I naturally compare the man who wants to marry my friend with her ex boyfriend who has gone to work.  If I have to tell the truth their faces are quite similar. But even, the word 'marriage' make me shy and I turns sentimental and runs up to the roof.

The flowers, trees and small plants are dancing with the music of the wind. Everybody will appreciate me and say, "What a lovely flower, how pleasant! How charming!" Maybe, people will insert me into their hair and maybe others will compose poems seeing me.

From the roof of my home, the room of the man can be seen. From his room where a dim lamp is burning, a continuous tune of violin is heard too.

I came to know that the man also sang, and I don't know why my mind tempts me to listen to his songs. And really, the man sang songs which sounded very sweet, indeed. When I listened to his songs, I felt like submitting myself to the music all through the night, just sitting down right there. Many pages of my life are blank and I felt like coloring the blank pages of my life while I listened to the tune of his songs.

My friend told me early in the morning, "Look! that young man comes today, I have to give him decision. Your eyes look slightly red, maybe you went to bed last night quite late."

I try to evade her but in my ears reverberate the tunes of the same songs and somehow, somewhere, the man's face appears before me.

Three men came, including him. My friend comes out. The man smiles slowly and my friend feels uncomfortably embarrassed. Why was she feeling so weak and sentimental?

I try to remember my ideal, which includes a life which I wanted to live, and the unexpected struggle to achieve it.

Maybe after marriage, She will be in a bondage. That means she will have to live like a housewife as she has to spend all her life in his charity.

Where will her ideals go? Her desires will spill everywhere and she will be lost, unable to control herself within herself. Without any reason, somehow all of her hopes and imaginations that crowded inside her just a moment ago, are shattered to pieces. She feels like running far away from that man. She observes her mother deeply and find her smiling. The man is talking about something for the preparations of the wedding. I like him even my friend doesn't believe in marriage. She feels a rush inside and begins to breathe fast. I too experience a kind of sad. Her mother enters inside with a happy face, "What happened to you all of a sudden?"

I started to cry and say, "Mother, she does want to get married. Please do not force her. She wants to live freely."

Mother said, "She is a woman. She is not permitted to stay all her life with her mother. Look, she does not have to be afraid of anything. He has decided not to accept any monetary gift. And besides, these days it is extremely difficult to find a good man."

There is a storm blowing and there is a flash of lightning within me and the heart is shrieking with a terrible situation. What should I or shouldn't I do for my friend?

I don't obey her but stay inside with her.

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